The past 12 weeks, I have been "re-visiting" a bible study by Beth Moore called "Living Beyond Yourself" that I last completed 3 years ago. Just a few months before we knew we were going to have Daniel.
This study is an exploration of the fruit of the spirit. Each weeks lesson stems from Galatians 5:22-23, 25;
"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the spirit."
I cannot even begin to describe what a blessing it has been to look back at this study, to read my responses and prayers from 3 years ago and to see how God has answered some of them. Most having to do with how I view Him and how I view the circumstances of life. This is just one of the tools that God used to prepare my heart for the storm that would rage unceasingly for over 2 years now. I wanted to share part of it today, hoping to myself remember and also maybe inspire hope and trust in Jesus for anyone who might read this.
The study this week had me looking at the fruit of gentleness. Part of the definition of this Greek word, praotes is as follows:
"meekness, mildness, forbearance. Primarily it does not denote outward expression of feeling, but an inward grace of the soul, calmness toward God in particular. It is the acceptance of God's dealings with us considering them as good in that they enhance the closeness of our relationship with Him. "
Beth Moore then writes, "In layman's terms praotes describes the complete surrender to God's will and way in your life.
Wow.
I have spent the last 12 weeks looking at what I have read and noticed in the past. I have reflected on the notes I made previously, statements I underlined, prayers I journaled, pleas that I made to the Lord. One of the days this week centered around Psalm 119, which is all about abiding in God's Word. I want to share a question that Beth Moore asked and the response that I wrote to it 3 years ago...
Q: Read Psalm 119:28. How has God's Word strengthened you in the past, or how might you be strengthened in the future by His Word?
Psalm 119:28 reads
"My soul weeps because of grief; strengthen me according to Your word."
My response 3 years ago: His Word is TRUTH. It IS my strength-because in it I know Him-And knowing WHO GOD IS allows me to stand firm when run aground on the island of God's Will.
Little did I know how true this would become.
If anyone reading this has looked into our lives the past 2 years or longer, please know that my ability to stand firm in the midst of the deepest tragedy, the hardest test of life, comes from knowing WHO God is and believing that what He says is truth. And friends one thing I know, God is faithful. He will do what he promised. And I can trust Him.
Here is a prayer that I journaled in early April 2009:
" Oh Father, that I might not be afraid and that my eyes might be open to the planning and craftiness of the evil one-that I might be able to strongly stand firm with my shield of faith."
And another from March of 2009:
"Oh God I trust you-I want to trust you to the point that I will abide in you, go where you want me to go,
hold loosely but love like crazy the people you have given to me. I will not be afraid--of the unknown, of failure, of acceptance, of being hurt---oh God these worries choke. I want to trust you. I am yours. Today I would get on a plane to go and take care of orphans, but show me...show my husband what it is you have for us."
Never did I imagine the future that God had for us. Oh friends, it has been hard. To not say that would be a lie. To know that Daniel might not make it to 5 breaks my heart in a way that words fail me whenever I try to describe it. But God is faithful. He has put in our home an unexplainable JOY, HOPE and PEACE in trusting in WHO HE IS, despite what from a worldly standpoint is a hopeless situation.
And Daniel is such a gift. He himself is a picture of grace. Grace for life. Grace for joy. Grace for courage. Grace for strength. Grace for breath.
And we have Hope. Hope that this life is not the end. Hope of a future promised to those who believe.
I want to end with this...
During the week of faithfulness Beth Moore writes:
"Others may ask us: 'Do you still believe in fairy tales? Do you really believe that Prince Charming is going to carry you away on a white horse? Do you really believe that everything is going to be all right?' Take a look at this:
"I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True...His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on Him that no one knows but himself. He is dressed in a robe dripped in blood, and His name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean...On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS"
Revelation 19:11-16
He said it. I believe it. Not because I am faithful. Because He is. So, until He shouts....
Keep believin'!"
Amen Beth, Amen.
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, SO THAT you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Chris Tomlin "Faithful"
